Choose Something Else…

Choose skipping T2 Trainspotting. Choose other flicks that gladly empty your pockets and deliver a sultry sip of pus. Choose to wait until you can stream it from the comfort of your house: pause it, check your social media feed or run to the kitchen for more shit to stuff your face with. Choose an uplifting movie so you can lollygag afterwards on your way to your Prius. Choose to discard what this film is trying to tell you. Choose to dismiss its soundtrack, the visual continuity with the previous film as a nod to these twenty years. Choose disregarding the cast, the exhilarating experiences they will communicate with their mad story-telling skills. Choose hating that arse Begbie, his inexplicable violence, his buried sadness. Choose not to love his “that lassie got glassed.”

Begbie (Robert Carlyle) raging over toilet cubicle. Courtesy of TriStar Pictures’ T2: TRAINSPOTTING

Choose Renton as the “good guy” even though he said it twenty years ago. Choose him because we would’ve probably done the same thing. Choose opportunity, then betrayal. Choose to leave, dismiss the stay. Choose vice versa. Choose Spud as “the stupid one” in the film, not seeing he enormous power of his words and who he is. Choose two-dimensionality. Choose not buying something for your mum or good speed. Choose not finding a girl, your jewish princess. Choose not to take her out and treat her right. Choose getting stuck on Simon’s (Sick Boy) nostrils after spending a night in several brothels, choose his unearthly envy toward Renton, choose his “theery”. Choose despising a scene where a group of friends take a stroll out in the countryside. Choose spite for being Scottish.

RENTON (Ewan McGregor), SPUD (Ewen Bremner), SICK BOY (Jonny Lee Miller) BEGBIE (Robert Carlyle). Courtesy of TriStar Pictures’ T2: TRAINSPOTTING

Choose Tommy. Choose not watching Diane again on big screen and loving every frame of it. Choose hating the freeze shots, the pukefest, shitstorm and chasm coming your way for an hour and fifty eight minutes. Choose not appreciating its beauty, the meditation on aging and finding something addicting that’s not gonna end up eating you. Choose not being moved by inside jokes and being part of a group of people that loves something. Choose apathy, sitting down with a frown drawn on your face and arms crossed. Choose hating the Scottish accent and pretending to laugh at jokes you don’t get. Choose not choosing. Choose something else. Choose boring.

Rating:  R for drug use, language throughout, strong sexual content, graphic nudity and some violence

Opens: Friday, March 24th in Phoenix

Length: 1 hour, 58 minutes